A good day should be noted
And today was. I felt at home once again. Which I have not felt in a long time.
Thank you Jess, James, J-low, and little P. It might be a day filled with many insignificant phrases to all of you, but to me it meant the world, miraculously adding up to me feeling happy and loved.
And I just made a connection with a guy I went to school with a few years back. Who knows what that might be, but definitely a fan of it… Of being remembered that is.
A good friend to live longer…
10 things to help live a bit longer…According to O magazine
1. Good luck charms help
2. Drinking can make you smarter
3. You can fake your way to power.
4. Chocolate is good for your heart
5. A women’s touch changes everything.
6. Good friends are the secret to a long life
7. We can skip the Bench press.
8. Our sense of fairness is biological…
thats right in an experiment two individuals were given money…one more then the other. When it was offered to even out the sum, the man with more money’s reward centers lit up…
9.Sex curbs anxiety
so not its good for headaches, menstral cramps, weight, hair…and anxiety. Damn what am I missing out on right now
10. You can wash your hands of regret
No really just by washing ones hands they felt less need to justify their choices/actions
So If I get all of this straight. I should have good friends that I can drink with, eat chocolate with, and convince to sleep with me due to my feminine touch, so as to lessen anxiety, and then just wash my hands regularly as to not feel regretful that I slept with a good friend. But hey as long as we are of equal capabilities in bed, i.e….I give them what they give me, all is well because my reward centers will be going off. Oh and of course I will keep my good luck charm on me at all times.
The power of Awe…
According to O Magazine and Dr Dacher Keltner, an individual standing next to an item that puts them in awe allows one to perceive oneself as something greater, something better.
Therefore that is what I fully intend on doing by moving to Madison. To put myself into something greater, to put myself in front of something that makes me in awe, so that some day my daughter, or even myself…my own worst… critic will be in awe.
It is times like these that I begin to ponder if that was the real reason for what I saw in DJ.
I can blame the oxytocin release partially on the fact that DJ was my first, but also on the fact that to some degree I was in fact in awe of him; only allowing an even greater release of oxytocin. Oh what a mess I weaved myself into at that point. Some might have said it was a mistake, but it was my favorite mistake I have made to date.
Refuge with nervousness
Here I am sitting at Starbucks on the corner of Brady and Farwell; lately this has been my place of refuge. Somewhere to go to that allows me the escape from my house and responsibilities. It has been a hard year, loosing a friend, loosing a love interest; loosing seems to have been the theme.
Well today I began the first step in truly gaining, gaining something back.
I sit here after just recently applying to UW Madison for this Spring semester. A complete nervousness consumes me. It’s a new page, the last page of this chapter of my life. Something I need in order to no longer bump into the past. I have learned many a lesson from this past year. I have realized that amongst the many, my problems are nothing…I suppose I have always known this, but this does not remove the pain, and the wanting. My problems may not compare to some but they are still there and need to be confronted. I always tried to simply be the strong one, but that will never do. The little things add up, and no amount of change in appearance, working out, etc will fix this.
I started the change of a life time by going on ten dates with ten different people. All of which were great people. Nothing to carry on with, but each impacted me in a positive manner. I hope that I did not hurt any of those in the process, I was open and honest about my intentions of just meeting new people, but as I have learned even honesty does not prevent one from the harm that ones own feelings can induce.
I have began to look into many an opportunity. this one seems to be the one I want; It may take sometime, but I will happy in the end.
I am truly excited and nervous.
This is the adrenaline rush I have been missing. More
Do you ever wonder…
I wonder what everyone is seeing that I cant seem to see.
I was talking to my friend last night after work and we were discussing the future, the basics, jobs, love, etc. She asked me if I thought I’d find someone. I answered with a very confident “No”. Her face was shocked, and then asked me why, I shrugged. Now that shocked looked turned to one of confusion. And an explanation to be given of such was demanded.
I really didn’t have a specific answer, its just not meant to be for some. She insisted that I would regardless of what I was saying. That some just are not meant to be but I was not one of them…
Now I was wondering how she could be so sure. I have never really dated anyone before. I have only really ever had one person pursue me, and I turn just about everyone else away.
Either way, one thing is for certain, I am no where near being ready for settling down as of yet.
I walked a mile with Pleasure
I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.”- Robert Browning Hamilton
You have got to be kidding me!
I just cant seem to get away from the dj. I went on flipping 8 dates. 8DATES this last week and was feeling pretty high and mighty about myself…when oh wait who do I bump into after Ts party but oh yes dj bag himself. The thing that stinks the most is that I know it doesn’t even impact him but to me it flipping makes me feel sick to my stomach. It was a fucking game for him. And now I am the one suffering the consequences.
Then tonight I am out and about with friends when he comes up out of no where. One of my friends is now mutual friends with him. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Lesson learned. How I do wish I went through all of this in high school. I feel like it is kind of like ghost
What are the odds tuesday…because tuesdays are odd days
What do you think the odds are that the very attractive man at the book store on a tuesday afternoon squatting down in front of me is actually needing the books for the NCLEX-RN exam? Highly unlikely, considering he keeps glancing at me instead of the books. MEN get a set and come talk to me or move on. Not a fan of the staring affect. Clearly kind of sick of men, probably not a good idea that I am going on a date tonight then…shoot.
You dont know me. You dont know me at all!
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
